sugardeath

Serial Mascots

You may seem them on TV several times a day.  You may seem them in the store.  You may even see them in your house.  I'm talking about cereal mascots, the cute little guys on the cereal boxes and in many, many commercials.  We all know who they are, Trix the Rabbit, Lucky the Leprechaun, and Sonny (of Cocoa Puffs fame).  But do we really know them?  Take, for example, Trix.  He's obviously addicted to the stuff, why else would he be running around trying to steal it from these helpless kids?  "Why doesn't he go out and buy some?" you ask?  Well, he's a drug addict, simple as that.  He spends all his money on less powerful drugs, to get his daily fix, leaving him without enough money to satisfy his strongest addiction, Trix.  Next, we move on to Lucky.  He's a lot like Trix in a few ways, but differs in the fact that he actually has the cereal.  Lucky, too, is addicted to his cereal.  Ever hear him sing "They're magically delicious!"?  The only reason he doesn't, um, "ingest" the ceral is because those pesky little kids keep chasing him, because he stole their breakfast.  Last, but not least, we have Sonny.  He's the worst of them all.  I'm sure we've all heard him challenge the poor, unsuspecting kids with "I bet you'll go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!".  The next thing we know, the kids are doing some outrageous, impossible thing (like riding a chocolate roller coaster well out of the atmosphere).  Just what IS in those Cocoa Puffs??  It's got to be some kind of drug to cause those wild effects.  Once Sonny has them hooked, he probably sells it to them at an outrageous $3.99 per box!  He'll be sucking these kids and their poor families dry.  Soon the kids will be selling their bodies just to get some Cocoa Puffs!  What has the world come to?  Have the cereal companies taken it too far?  Are they the true enemies here, not cigarette companies, not terrorists, but cereal?  I'm ashamed to say that I, too, eat cereal for breakfast, for I am also helping to fund these evil corporations diabolical plans.  God forgive...