What’s the Hap, Pap?
Here's the basics: Stephanie and Christina thought Nathan liked Christina. Nathan likes Stephanie. He revealed this to them last night. Felt bad about Christina. This morning he tells me. I let it slip that I kinda liked Stephanie too.
I was kind of disappointed when he told me what had happened and that he liked her, but at this point I am used to huge, huge disappointments. I mean, really huge. I was fine with stepping aside (she basically told me I had no chance compared to him anyway, and that's fine with me). The whole me-possibly-pursuing-Stephanie thing was brought about one night when talking to Nicole. She said something to the effect of "now that Stephanie girl, SHE'S a good pick." I entertained the thought a bit. Stephanie broke up with her boyfriend and I thought I'd give it a shot after some time had passed. I wasn't invested in this idea, I didn't have my heart set on it, so it was easy to let things work out for everyone else. Besides, I have this stupid habit of putting other people before me. It just so happens that this situation was one of the easier moments for this.
So, all is well. I sincerely hope Nathan doesn't feel bad. I'll just move on to my next plan. Yeah, perhaps I lied on my Facebook status when I said I only wanted one plan and that now I had none :razz:
Mein Wochenende
Freitag: Klasse. Errinere ich nichts anderes.
Samstag: Animetagung mit die Jinna. Warm Wetter (über eiskalt!). Jimmy John's, Mario Kart, und 30 Rock mit der Corey, der Phil, und die Amber. Gran Torino und essen zu Clark's mit die Stephanie, die Christina, der Jeremy, und der Nathan.
Sonntag: Überschlafen, abendessen, Mario Kart, Hausaufgaben, Mario Kart, Hausaufgabenn, The Office, Hausaufgaben, Mario Kart.
Warum mußt die Welt konspiriert gegen mich?! Immer doch mit die Mädchen auch! Ugh. Sollt ich von es Abstand nehmen?
Bin ich frustriert unglaublich. Mein Freund hat eine Chance mit die Mädchen habe ich gern. Kann ich nur zurückstehen.
So this is interesting..
I don't like her personality.. at all.
...yet I find myself falling for her.
And no, this is not the UIC-chick from earlier. I still do talk to her every now and then, but conversation always dies.. so... what's the point of trying anything? She mentioned once before I got back to Chicago that we should do something when I did, I said "yeah, that'd be fun." I haven't brought it up since and neither has she. She still IMs me once every couple of days or so, but I think she realizes that it ain't gonna happen.
Nicole: are you ready to fall for a girl?
I think so, yeah. Just maybe not this girl.
The way I understand it, if I fall, I'm going to fall hard. That's just how I am. And really, I'd rather have it that way than become jaded after a bunch of failures. For some reason part of me wants to equate.. "loving hard" (for lack of better words) with being clingy. But there's a difference between becoming invested and dependent. I was invested in Linda and Jacki. I gambled pretty big, especially on Jacki. It sucks to lose a gamble. I don't think I was dependent by any means, though. I pushed Jacki to try and aspire to her goal of being a theatre tech; when she told me she had joined up with the Obama campaign, I thought it was great (not realizing at the time what was really happening). And really, I was happy for her to be doing those things, even if it meant she spent less time talking to me; I wanted her to be happy with herself. I don't try to hold on tight, that's not right. But I also believe there's a difference between jealousy and being clingy. Jealousy is natural and if you don't even feel one iota of jealousy when you're in a relationship, then there's something wrong. It doesn't matter how secure you believe your relationship is, it's that jealousy of the other people she interacts with on a daily basis that aren't you that keeps you wanting to show her how wonderful you think she is and how much you love her; yet you can do that entirely without crossing over into creepy/clingy. No, I haven't figured out precisely how, mind you, as everything is going to be different from person to person, but this is what I believe I try to do.
And I know that I will fall hard again when the next girl comes around. And I know that it will kill me again when it ends. But I know that it won't stop me from giving it my all the next time after that. ...Unless it's this girl. I'm actually kind of worried: What exactly is it about her that is causing me to fall for her?
How do you do it?
Andrew has a habit of bringing up Jacki whenever we hang out. At least twice per hanging out. I actually had to tell him that I came along to Giordano's to eat, to which either Mark or Heather (both?) stated aloud the obvious implication that the topic of Jacki would make me lose my appetite (and it's damn good pizza.. usually I like to talk about people and gossip, but goddamn I didn't want to be disgusted). I fear the car ride home with Andrew might include talk of Jacki, and this displeases me. I don't see why he keeps bringing it up. I mean, if he's trying to rub something in... he's the one that dated her for two years. He's the one that put up with her shit for roughly twenty-four times as long as I did. I got lucky that I didn't have to, I guess. Either way, I really don't want to hear him go on about her, saying this or that about what she did while they were together or what she told him while we were together or even any of the new stuff too. I don't care anymore. I'd just rather not touch the topic ever again if I can help it as it is a bunch of bullshit, but I imagine I will say something about it if I get the chance to yell at her to her face (I have not yet had an appropriate outlet for my anger, I would consider such a scenario appropriate). Overall it's a real jackass move and I don't appreciate it.
Jeremy lets some people get under his skin far too easily, especially when they should mostly be ignored. He also lets some topics get under his skin too easily while choosing to ignore others when, really, it should be the other way around. Man up and accept things, dude.
Corey is having a lot of fun with being gay and freaking us out by making advances on us or giving us inviting looks. I find it amusing as all hell (even though it still freaks me out). There is little cooler than someone who can take something most would dislike them for and turn it around and have fun with it. And there are few activities more fun that making friends feel uncomfortable in various ways. :twisted:
Phil and Richard and everyone else are being Phil and Richard and everyone else.
I don't know about myself. I've been more sleeping and procrastinate-y than usual. I mean, I am both to a huge extent already, but even more so lately... I'm also avoiding things. I don't think it's straight up procrastination as much as it is avoision (a word?).
I was able to get both Jeremy and Phil to install and play around with Arch Linux on their machines (ShinyCat and unnamed laptop, respectively). It makes me.. I-don't-know-what that I can seem to influence people to try the Linuxes.
This is the kind shit you guys get early in the morning when I'm without sleep.
I am extremely turned off in regards to playing D&D thanks to Casey and Jeremy and partially Alex and their arguing over rules or stupid ass backstories that don't matter, yet you MUST poke holes in it just because you feel like being a dick to the kid. I mean, really. What the hell? It ain't worth putting up with your shit to play 4.0, where everything takes for-fucking-ever. I like a lot of the changes, but goddamn are these battles drawn out as fuck. It's boring and I could put the time to better use I'm sure.
IIT's wireless has been real shit lately and it's annoying the hell out of me.
Happy one-thousand-six-hundred-second post.
Ugh, apparently IIT's wired is being real shit too. I can't wait to go home winter break and get a reliable connection. This is a freaking tech school, why is the connection so flaky?
I got this on Friday:
Jason: shave your pubes
Jason: that is all
What the fuck? Really? These are the kinds of things that should be thought about before they're sent. Well, really you shouldn't be thinking about this because sending "shave your pubes" to me should not even be on your mind to begin with. There's a reason why you haven't lost the "Creepy Jason" moniker when I mention you to my friends or to differentiate from otherJason from 3rd East freshman year.
I don't feel like I'm in a bad mood, but this post sure does read with that kind of voice. This does not bother me. In fact, the realization that most of the people mentioned here read this also does not bother me.
The only people I talk to on a regular basis from home are Sellers and Alyssa. Both are cool, generally the same as I remember them being. Sometimes Alyssa opens up to me and tells me things and it's a pleasant surprise. Other times it's plain old Alyssa but I'm used to it so it doesn't bother me, I just go with it. I think for a while during freshman and or sophomore year of college Sellers and I didn't talk much just due to.. lack of talking. No real reason really. Been talking a lot again since before the summer I guess, though. It's all good stuff. Known the kid since third grade, good man, no issues with him.
I guess life is just kind of lame right now. What is currently providing me a semblance of happiness?
Video gaming with Phil and Corey and (Richard|Jeremy).
Hanging out with Jeremy and others and going places at 2-5am in the morning for food. Jeremy and I went to the Archview diner (35th and Archer?) at like 5am Friday morning because we were starving. It was awesome.
Playing with my computers? I don't think so, because I know that while I'm doing this I could instead be working on my Data Networks project which is due in ten days, my Malloc lab which is due in six (there's going to be an extension though...), planning my classes for next semester (how long ago did registration open up?), or any number of other useful things (such as buying shampoo).
What is not providing me happiness at all?
The fact that I am making a fool of myself regarding Sarah.
God.
Why doesn't this theme display the time of these posts? Ugh. I need to fix that sometime.
Feldspar's battery is being a real douche lately.
Well damn.
Looks like I'm going to have to get one of those weird ass pay-as-you-go cellphones just so the company that's taking my car home can meet up with me and verify they've got the right car.
I will not be calling anyone with it, I will not be texting anyone with it, no one will be able to call me with it. I still hold very true to the belief that a cellphone is a pointless waste of money and will hold out as long as I can on buying one. Besides, if I've got this stupid pay-as-you-go one, I can use it in emergencies (such as when my car dies while I'm on my way home? oh wait), which is all I ever really wanted a cellphone for anyway. So. Fuck you society. Cellphones are not important. If someone wanted to reach me, there's a million other ways they could do it. Including, gasp, the landline phone that is sitting ten (twenty?) feet away from me.
Also, I just had a huge realization in the shower earlier today: Karma. Is a fucking bitch. I can't believe it's taken me this long to remember that. It, um.. kinda changes things... I guess? I feel completely different now, but I'm not able to pinpoint what I'm feeling. I got a punishment equal to or worse than the crime I committed. Which is.. precisely what I deserved I guess.
I think I just hit stage five...