Idiots’ Votes Should be Void
I canNOT wait until this election is over.
Don't vote for Obama, he'll be assassinated in office!
Don't vote for McCain, he'll die of old age in office!
Fuck, really guys? Are you guys honestly going to be THAT stupid about things? Anyone following these lines of logic should not be given the right to vote. I mean it. Do some fucking research and vote for the candidate that you most agree with / supports your values, or do not fucking vote at all.
That said, I am unable to vote. I didn't get an absentee ballot (which, according to Jacki, I needed to do IN PERSON before October 5th which is kind of hard since I haven't been home for more than two days at a time since.. last December/January), and I am unable to make it home for election day. If McCain wins by one vote I will.. feel bad. Then go on not caring until he or his doll Palin do something that particularly upsets me.
There was D&D Saturday night. It was pretty fun. Casey and Nathan play off eachother very well when role playing or acting. The Wings won against the Blackhawks during our game, it was pretty awesome. Yay for internet streams. Apparently they're playing each other again at the Winter Classic game on New Year's day. It's an old-style outdoors game in Wrigley Field with both teams using their original jerseys, should be really neat. I wonder if they're going all old-school and not using helmets :razz:
Looks like we're going to get my car home fairly soon. I'm excited for that.
Saturday was David's birthday. Kid is fifteen now. What the hell?
Phil said something to me the other night after D&D that really got me thinking... That girl that I mentioned in the previous post was doorguarding SSVN as we were leaving after our D&D session. As soon as we left the building and I was sure she couldn't hear me, I turned to Phil and said "Everywhere! I see her everywhere." It's really weird because of what happened on Friday: He and I ran (literally ran, it was raining. I was barefoot too. Bad for my foot. Which feels a hell of a lot better now.) to Global Grounds. On the way back I was telling him about how I always see this one girl everywhere. Well, guess who's path we cross in front of the Old Cafeteria? I mean, really! What are the freaking odds?? As we left SSVN, after I reiterated how often I sight this chick, he just says: "You should ask her out." What? I don't even know the chick yet, "well, yeah, get to know her first." I honestly can't tell if he was joking or not. Yeah, what do I have to lose, eh? Still. It's weird. I know she had a boyfriend for some time last year. It's pretty easy to tell when she's walking around holding hands with the same dude all the time (yeah, I saw her a lot last year too...), but I haven't seen anything like that lately. ..not that that really matters. I'd obviously need to make contact with this chick first before considering anything further.
I just find the whole situation extremely weird, is all...
Angel, spread your wings
how beautful it sounds
when sirens sing.
ASP's Coming Home makes me incredibly nostalgic for this past summer, for some reason... There are songs that will invoke memories of driving to the movie theatre (to work, I never watched movies :???: ) the two summers before, but I haven't really had any songs that bring me back to any recent times. I keep finding relevant songs too (Hinder's How Long, anyone?), but that's another matter entirely.
There's more sad relationship news regarding friends... Seems to be that time of year, eh?
I loaded up the main page to get a link to the other post and saw this quote:
Galina: Tony, whenever you become the center of attention, the attention turns around and looks outside the circle.
The context is that a bunch of us were standing in a circle talking. I think either I stepped into the middle or someone (Nicole?) pushed me into the center and proclaimed that I was the center of attention, at which point I think everyone turned around to face outside the circle? It was sometime last Spring, don't expect me to remember that. ANYWAY. The point is that sometimes I honestly feel like that. People focus on me for a bit, but then that focus quickly changes to something more interesting. Am I just not captivating enough? Someone tell me, please. I really want to know. There's gotta be something I can do (or someone I can be?) to hold (a specific type of) attention longer...
I Thought I Was Above These?
I spent basically the entire night after dinner here in McCormick lounge "watching" Firefly, playing Kirby Air Ride, Super Smash Brothers Brawl, various Mega Mans, random nostalgia-inducing SNES games, and then watching Dexter's Laboratory and Whose Line is it Anyway thanks to Jeremy's external harddrive and my soft-modded Wii. Far, far too many asians decide that the morning is the best time to practice the piano. The morning when we're watching things or playing games or trying to listen to music to fill out a stupid quizmeme thing (it's in the cut... also on Facebook). Overall, not a very bad night at all. What we did maybe wasn't all that.. great I guess, but who I was with the entire time were pretty damn awesome. And that's what counts.
Ugh... Intro to Unix exam Monday night and a Data Networks exam on Devil's Night...
One of the random woot shirts I got is really freaking cute. It's this cute-ass robot sitting on this sloth or something's shoulders. It's a light-gray shirt. Pretty awesome. The other one is an awkward pale-yellow color with... you know this famous painting? Imagine it with squirrels and houses made out of giant acorns behind them. On a sickly pale-yellow color. It's... eh. Mostly it's the color that bothers me, not the graphic...
I am impressed with my laptop speakers. I am sitting here in McCormick lounge at six forty-five in the morn, blasting the music from the thing above and it doesn't sound all that bad. Granted, it could sound a hell of a lot better, but I'm never going to seriously listen to music through these speakers.
I think I might have messed up my foot a bit by walking on couches and tables (like I always do!) instead of around them. I kind of expected the cushion of the couch to be more firm than it was, I guess? and came down and my foot just went out from under me. SOMEHOW I was able to save myself from smashing my face right into the corner of the table due to the loss of balance. I bet I just sprained the thing or something and should therefore take it easy for a bit. It'll probably feel better in the morning. I am able to put all my weight on the thing for like ten seconds before it gets awfully uncomfortable. It's not swelling or anything, so I don't think anything's really wrong, per se.
There is this one girl that I see everywhere on campus. More so than creepy-I'm-going-to-stare-at-Tony-everytime-I-see-him-especially-after-he-gets-out-of-the-shower kid that lives just across the way in North hall! And that's a feat, since I see Sir Creeps-A-Lot all over the place. Something is wrong if I do not see this girl at least once a day. Average sightings per day is nearing the solid number of two. I might like smile at her, nod, say hi, etc., but everything about her is just very... I dunno. She looks kind of plain, I guess, but it's not really that turning me off. It's more the way she holds herself, how she walks slowly, her expressionless face... Is there a person in there? It could be a robot! Stalking me.. waiting for the right moment to DISINTEGRATE ME :shock: At least she doesn't creepily smile at me like creepy-kid, and then laugh a little bit to himself. WHAT THE FUCK DUDE, SERIOUSLY, YOU'RE SCARING ME.
Just seventeen minutes until sunrise! Too bad I'm not on the lake or anything, I'm sure that would look amazing. I need to do that sometime.. go watch the sunrise over Lake Michigan. This is my third year here, you'd think I would have done that already.
Sitting here in McCormick lounge at fuck-you in the morning has caused me to realize.. I have a laptop! I don't have to sit on my room all the time anymore! I mean, not that I had to before, but now I can still be connected.. anywhere! I should sit in lounges more often. Perhaps even MTCC once or twice.
The Road to Betterment:
- Dump baggage.
- Get my ass in gear for school.
- Work out.
Got the first one done. Am working on the third one. I've been keeping an almost regular schedule when it comes to doing push-ups. Did you know that the shower curtain bar in the South showers is surprisingly sturdy? Makes for a GREAT chin-up bar. And it's right there everytime I take a shower, which is every day. I already feel a lot better now that I've been doing this just a little bit.
Um, that second one, though? I'll get back to you after this week is over... I need to finish up three lab reports and study for three different exams. At least this week ends on Wendesday at 3:05PM, though! Yay for fall break! Yay for not having a reason to go home anymore! It'll be nice and laid back this weekend. I imagine Phil and I will finally get around to beating Mega Man 9 this weekend too.
Over the past two months or so I've acquired a fair amount of small t-shirts that fit a hell of a lot better than my old larges. Hell, some of my larges were actually extra-large, that I've had since junior high! WTF. These smalls fit a lot better. I really like how they look on me too. Paul Schizzy thought I lost weight when he saw me the other day, but it's really just because I'm wearing shirts that fit a hell of a lot better now.
The one-acts and improv that I saw on Friday were really well done. No offense to the one-act directors or actors, but improv is consistently better than whatever follows them. Especially the comedian Thursday night. She was complete balls.
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
That's the best way to deal with this, given recent developments. It's not worth it anymore. Why should I let myself get upset about this girl that can't seem to commit to anything? This girl that is completely ignoring me (and thus has written me out of her life right now?). This girl that, as all signs point to, would rather have something pointless than have something meaningful and wonderful (her words, she called us wonderful). Should I really let a girl like that cause me this much trouble? Let me get a resounding "no" from.. oh.. everyone? Yeah, not worth it, at all. She obviously needs to grow up a bit and figure out what the hell she wants. I'm obviously not important enough right now to be part of that ride. Fine. It's honestly not something I'd want to be part of right now, either. I thought she was surprisingly mature, but I see now that her young age and immaturity is showing now more than ever. Fine. Hopefully that'll change.
Hopefully things will be different eventually. Right now? I don't deserve this. I don't deserve this shit. It's not worth my time or my emotions. When she gets her shit together, I'll take another look, but right now I'm not going to worry about it anymore. I'm not going to think about her anymore. I'm not going to let her bother me anymore.
I don't know if you read this anymore Jacki, I know you used to, but if you do read this I want you to know that what you're doing doesn't bother me anymore. I'm done being hurt by you. I honestly can't be friends with someone like that right now. All my life I've always been looking out for other people, letting them trod on me if need be. No. No more. It's about me now. And right now it is in my best interests to not deal with you while you're still being a child. When you feel you've grown up, perhaps then we could talk again.
I've removed you from my Facebook friends and taken you off my AIM buddylist. Sounds childish at first glance, but think about it. I'm thinking about me now. I'm not going to let you hurt me anymore. So by taking you off AIM I can no longer tell when you're online. By taking you off my Facebook friends I will no longer get any of your feeds. You've actually made it really easy for me! You're profile is hidden from me now that we're no longer friends. I can't see shit. Just as it should be. You no longer deserve the power to hurt me like you are.
'Cause isn't that what love is? Giving someone the power to hurt you and trusting them not to? I gave you that power and I trusted you. You broke that trust and abused that power, and I'm still giving you that power. No more! You don't deserve to be on my mind, you don't deserve to have any affect on my emotions. That is obviously power that you do NOT understand the importance of.
So, go have fun with Zak, enjoy your "it's complicated" relationship. Learn to lie less, please. Please! It'll be better for everyone (especially you) if you stop lying: You told me he had nothing at all to do with the breakup. He entered an "it's complicated" relationship hours after you broke up with me. He told me that HE was affected by the break up. Andrew told me you slept with him (don't believe everything Andrew says, yeah, but I KNOW you did SOMETHING with him while you were dating me). You're now in a complicated relationship with him, yet you told me he had nothing to do with it. You told me you were NOT looking for relationship at this time, yet here you are having fun with Zak and it's on Facebook. Surprise! That counts as a relationship. So, go have fun with your new -buddy.
I hope you'll find the time to grow up between all your campaign work, school, and Zak; and I hope you realize what a shitty thing you did to me. It's completely not fair. I love(d) you with all my heart. You decided that neither I nor my love was worth ANY effort on your part. You decided to go for the cheap, anytime thrills instead of something you said you believed in because it would require some extra effort on your part. I see where your priorities lie. I see that I am not important. To you. I am now the most important person in my life. You have taught me two things now: 1) I have had the wrong attitude about everything, always feeling sorry for myself, and now 2) that I am the most important person in my life. Thank you. You've changed me. You've had an effect on me. I can only see this being good for me. I wanted to love you, I wanted to be the person you loved and turned to and continued to look at with that happy face I remember when you first visited. Not anymore. I don't want -- I can't -- keep thinking about someone as immature as you. It's not about you anymore. It's about me. Thank you for liberating me.
All that said, I really do hope you grow up at some point. I really do hope that perhaps we can try again. I do still love you, but you are right: we can NOT go back to what we had. We will both be different people if we try again. It WILL be completely new. And that is for the best. As you are, right now, you are not worth my time or emotions. I am certain that will change, I don't know when that will change, but I believe you have the ability to grow up and make smart decisions.
Feelings you'll see behind this letter: Anger and hate, just like last time.
Feelings I'm writing in this letter: Relief. That's it.
I am not angry anymore. I am not hurt. I am completely calm right now. This whole letter was written while being calm. I am over it. I am over you. I thought about this a lot and came to this conclusion while playing Rock Band with Paul and Andrew. I barely talked about you to them. That would only be letting you win. No. You don't win. I win. You may have a new toy right now, but he'll be gone in less than a month. I have a new start, a new take on life that will last me forever and treat me very, very well.
Um, whoa?
Wow.. that was a.. very revealing talk I just had with Corey... Like, we said a lot about our personal lives. And I was sober for most of it. Aw crap, this means my Mario Kart skills will be down.. :(