(Click for more)

I made scrambled eggs yesterday morning, they were running due to too much milk.  I put sharp cheddar in them.  Good stuff.  I made eggs again this morning, but this time I put in some Oscar Meyer turkey and about two to three quarters tablespoon of taco seasoning.  It was actually pretty good, though something else needed to go in to kind of play with the taco seasoning flavor a bit, I think. 

I have four mornings left here, I have been using three eggs each time I make them, and there are a dozen eggs in the fridge.  I think I'm set.  I just need more things to try.  Things I have been suggested that I could actually do:

• chili powder
• chili
• butter (in the egg mix)
• cheese, olives, crushed tortilla chips
• salsa
• flour (for firmer eggs)
• various spices around the kitchen

I also had a thought when my mom was preparing her breakfast this morning: hot chocolate powder.  Just enough to add some flavor to it.  I mean, I already put syrup on my eggs if they're plain, so why not add another sweet flavor to the mix?

I had a dream somewhere between midnight-thirty and four in the afternoon..  It was pretty neat..  I was getting a late meal at some.. fast food place in a mall.  The mall was closing yet I could still somehow get up to the second floor, so I took my food up there.  There was a pool on the second floor, just right in the middle, so I swam for a bit and then decided to wander around on the third floor.  The third floor, at least along the entire back wall, was someone's house.  I ended up hiding in a room that looked and felt strangely like David's at my dad's house because the father figure was looking for whatever was causing all the noise I was making..  ..Just now I realized I've had this dream before.  Well, not this one, but it did take place in this same mall-type place and I do recall being in that "house" on the third floor before.  I'm pretty sure the pool was more elabroate last time with like water slides and stuff (as well as people because the mall was open last time).  I also recall going up to the fifth floor where a bunch of clothing shops were.  I think I was running from something last time?  I can't remember too well.  I don't remember when I last dreamed this place...

I wonder if there's some sort of emotional-physical tie-in to my tonsillitis?  The first time I got it, the last week of this most recent Christmas break..  I don't think there was anything emotionally jarring.  No.. I think I was pretty well off in that regard.  The second time was almost a week or so after Nicole broke up with me.  A bunch of us went to Noodles and Co. for dinner on the Wednesday during Spring Break.  I started feeling slightly ill following that.. and the next week and a half / two weeks were me laying dead in my room.  The third time was a brief little scare during the summer, shortly after I started working.  I attribute that one to a new work environment and a nasty, nasty keyboard.  And now here I am..  just two days after Jacki broke up with me and my tonsils are swelling a little...  I haven't had any food or anything that would possibly do this..  Though maybe all that booze and the subsequent vomiting could probably be a cause...  I just hope it doesn't get as bad again..

I e-mailed Erica at the reg. office to tell her that I will NOT be able to work this semester.. seeing as how I'm having a hard time making it to my classes to begin with.. adding a job into the mix is just a bad idea.  I'll just have to stop.. buying things.

I.. sent Jacki a hugely long message on Facebook...  Still waiting for a reply.. (I'm not holding out for one, honestly) Basically the reason I am so upset is that.. after I got to thinking about her reasons or breaking up with me.. they all point to her having lied to me.  About.. well, a few different things.  I detailed it all in the letter.  I.. am not going to do what I did when Linda broke up with me and just let loose here on my site.  That was immature of me.

Oh "Compare People" Facebook App..  I just got an email with the subject "Anthony, here are your hottest single friends." 

* "Who is hotter"
1. Alyssa Grant (210 points, voted 261 times) Go figure
2. Lisa Stanley (135 points, voted 184 times)
3. Shana Hartel (100 points, voted 144 times) Worked with her.. pretty cool gal
4. Linda Goldstein (195 points, voted 639 times)
5. Jennifer Arlene Priehs (87 points, voted 135 times)

If my tonsils don't get any better this week, I'll make an appointment at the health center for the end of this week or the beginning of next week, whichever is available.

Her arguments were really just kind of flaky, especially given all that we had talked about leading up to and during our relationship.  So either she gave me bullshit arguments.. which, no, she did give me bullshit arguments (really, you should've heard them).  But that also means that most of what she said to me.. wasn't real, wasn't how she felt, wasn't what she believed in.  I was sad Friday night / Saturday morning.  I was angry Sunday after thinking more about it, and now I am just..  bleh. 

I mean, really, what am I doing wrong?  Should I stop the nice guy routine?  Should I stop caring about the girl so much?  I just want them to be happy!  "Yeah.. I know.. that's why I'm talking to you about this.."  ..because my wanting you to be happy means I am a pushover and will let you go without a fight...?  I never have the words to argue or say what I want to say during any such situation.  It's always afterwards that I find them.. and by then it's too late.  ..Well, with Jacki I have a feeling it was too late a week ago.  I remember having a really paranoid, bad feeling shortly before our one month...  Jeremy talked me out of it, but it seems like.. it was well founded, yeah?  I had another dread feeling when she got here, when she was hesitant to kiss me.  Same feeling I had shortly before Nicole broke up with me.. 

Jeremy got me booze and someone to complain to.  Linda got me someone to complain to and a hug.  Nicole got me cookies and someone to complain to.  Amber got me a hug.  Corey and Phil got me Giordonno's pizza.  Jason and Alyssa let me bitch and moan to them.  I'm glad I've got friends to put up with my whining like this.  Though.. I'd rather not have to rely on them for.. whining... 

There was just a squirrel fight outside.  Awesome.

I guess the reason I always end up falling so hard (and subsequently getting hurt so hard... everytime :neutral: ) is that I have a particular life philosophy that pertains to situations like these...  I think I heard it from Celeste? 

If you're not going to love with all your heart, why love?

I mean.. it makes sense, right?  Or maybe I'm just stupid...

Anyway, it's dinner time.  I think overall I'm actually handling this pretty well.  I just hope my tonsils do too..

I had another dream last night.  I was explaining to Jason and Andrew's parents how they could get to Chicago with the Uhaul as the three of us were getting ready to go in my car. 

The second was in some kind of mall place.  Elyse was running her own deli type thing that was very successful.  In another area of the mall Matt was hanging out with some friends.  Apparently Jen knows Matt too.  Matt, being Matt, gave me a huge hug.

I was hoping I would wake up in my dorm room, but I guess that is too much to ask, ya know?

Hello Everyone!
It seems that everyone and their brother wants Memorial Weekend off. Well, no can do! That weekend is Pirates!! You may request a single day or portions of the day off. But the chances of getting the Entire weekend off is slim to none. If you are scheduled you can always try to get someone to cover your shifts, People have been begging for hours. Welcome to the life at the theatre. Weekends and holidays are our busy times. Everyone was informed! If this is going to pose a problem with you or family nows the time to reconsider your employment with us.

Thanks,
Laurie

Last sentence = gold.  Laurie is awesome like that.

So, real work starts Friday.. morning?  One would think that I would be working Friday NIGHT, opening night of Shrek 3.  Apparently not.  I get to open!  Yayay.  Nine-fifteen is really early.  It is a school day, why are we opening so early?  I work at noon on Saturday, open again the next Wednesday, and finally work Thursday night.  Once school lets out I should have quite a few more shifts. 

Talked with Corey, Jason (home Jason; from now until September, all instances of the word "Jason" will refer to the Jason that lives in Sterling Heights, MI), and Nicole tonight.  Galina and Ragu barely.  Apparently telling Nicole that Corey does not like Pink Floyd was a bad move...  Meh.  Provided humor. 

Home has been pretty lame lately.  Not much to do.  It will be great once/if gas prices go down and I get more work shifts.  I worked maintenance Tuesday morning, skipped Wednesday for not feeling well, may or may not go in Thursday morning.  Mom said she was taking the shifts out, I still have Thursday's.  We'll see.  I cannot wait for the real work to start.  Stupid outdoors work.  Woodchips can bite me. 

I wonder if driving mom's truck up the curb as I did did anything to the suspension...

Once the kiddies get out of school, then will there be more fun to be had.  Brian's graduation party should be pretty cool, too.  Just need to find a volleyball net, or improvise somehow... 

So, yeah, some things (everything) are (is) weird, but, honestly, what do you expect?  I can't quite easily fall into the happy-go-lucky-let's-pretend-nothing-ever-happened ideology.

...

Because I do not feel like talking (and because it was an interesting discussion Jason and I were having):

(12:18:19 AM) Jason: i was wondering if your style changed so drastically depending on the topic
(12:18:19 AM) itstonylol: happy vs. angry?
(12:18:22 AM) Jason: no
(12:18:28 AM) itstonylol: it changes based on mood + event
(12:18:31 AM) itstonylol: how i reacted to the event, i guess
(12:19:52 AM) itstonylol: like the writing style of... well, happy events with linda makes me embarrassed
(12:20:28 AM) itstonylol: whereas when I write about the things that make me angry, the writing style is actually quite polished and presentable
(12:20:43 AM) itstonylol: things like linda... <_ <
(12:21:18 AM) Jason: hehe
(12:21:36 AM) itstonylol: ugh
(12:21:36 AM) itstonylol: wtf
(12:21:47 AM) Jason: hm/
(12:21:48 AM) Jason: ?
(12:21:50 AM) itstonylol: her
(12:21:51 AM) itstonylol: lol
(12:22:10 AM) itstonylol: feeling "emotionally" abandoned by me
(12:22:11 AM) itstonylol: wtf
(12:22:15 AM) itstonylol: er
(12:22:24 AM) itstonylol: quotes around eihter abandoned or both emotionally and abandoned
(12:22:28 AM) itstonylol: either*
(12:22:44 AM) itstonylol: of course she is, she broke up with me
(12:22:46 AM) itstonylol: way to go
(12:23:44 AM) Jason: quote that on your blog
(12:23:47 AM) Jason: for truth
(12:23:53 AM) itstonylol: -_-
(12:25:19 AM) itstonylol: i would
(12:25:20 AM) itstonylol: but
(12:25:21 AM) itstonylol: i dunno

Two things in there, the second is pretty self-explanatory: I have noticed differences in my writing style.  Previous that snippet, Jason had asked me if I still kept private journals.  I do, from time to time.  Depending on the topic, I will either type up the entry as an unposted entry on my site, or as an ASCII file on my harddrive.  (I remember having a talk with dad years back in which he made fun of "English majors" (he always thought I was going to major in English) and griped about the fact that we cannot refer to one thing the same way if we must talk about it several times..  I am having a tough time forcing myself to keep "type up the entry as an unposted entry..." only because I cannot think of something to replace the first entry with.) I have quite a few text files that formed within the past... three months on Saturday.  These ones have never seen the internet.  I really do like the writing style in them.  Especially the most recent.  It is refined.  I took my time to look over it.  Why?  All the happier ones, as I said to Jason, make me want to vomit.  I just cannot stand to read those posts, yet those are the ones I let the world see.  I look them over just the same, but I can never make them sound all that great.  At least to me.

And for the record, I despise the word "blog."  It is either my journal or the "blag." (http://www.xkcd.com/) Blag more for making fun of people who use the term blog. 

I did not start a blog, I may have started a web log (of which the laziness of people led to the shortening), but I most definitely started a journal.  It just so happens to be on the internet.

Grades do not equal too happy, but at least they are better than they could have been.

That will most likely be the last school related thing until mid-August.  Sweet!

Am I just being paranoid?  Jason noted that Linda and I seemed "brittle" over the past few days.  Everyone keeps getting hung up on the fact that I got upset over her waking me up by dumping water on me.  (They sent Phil to check on me after dinner on Friday.  He's a horrible actor.) No one ever cares that I am fucking pissed when Jason wakes me up by pouring water on me and physically drags me from bed onto my chair onto the floor.  Or when Kevin shoots me with his airsoft gun.  Those fuckers hurt.

What's the difference?

I'm trying to do things right, but I get this.. feeling that I'm not.

I had an odd dream last night, here's the contents of the "wtf dream?" file on my desktop:

3/31/07
josh had boobs
didn't spend time with linda (fell asleep / she came in, left; as usual -_-)
my room at dad's in third east?
c-cups, he adjusted them
wtf

There are birds chirping at 2 in the morning.  huh

My stomach feels funny.  (not related to anything else) i think i'm going to go puke now

study java / bio

ugh

Here's the breakdown:

• HUM104
  • Dialogues Concerning Natural Religions
    David Hume
    ($9.95; $5.10 at IIT used)
  • Frankenstein
    Mary Shelly
    ($4.95; $5.95 at IIT used; never did read this in 12th grade, yay for AP English)
  • Darwin (Norton Critical Editon)
    Charles Darwin, Phillip Appleman
    ($12.35; $13.50 at IIT used)
  • Therese Raquin
    Ãmile Zola
    ($9.13; $8.25 at IIT used)
• BIOL115
  • Human Biology
    Sylvia S. Mader
    ($80.32; $90.50 at IIT used)
• LIT328
  • Favorite Works of William Blake
    William Blake
    ($9; $11.25 at IIT used)
  • Short History of the Printed Word
    Warren Chappell
    ($14.68; $18.70 at IIT used)
  • Another E.E. Cummings
    E.E. Cummings
    ($5.49; $11.20 at IIT used)
  • Norton Anthology of Poetry
    Margaret Ferguson
    ($48.50; $50 at IIT used)
  • Ariel: The Restored Editon
    Sylvia Plath
    ($11.16; $10.45 at IIT used)

Total: $205

I listed the IIT Bookstore's used prices for reference.  A few of the books were a tad higher than the used prices on-campus.  I neglected, however, to list the prices for new books.  The store was asking $120.65 for the bio book.  I think it's a win no matter what, really.

I also already had the Java book I need for CS116 and the Psych book I need for PSYCH221.

I also ordered:

• Brave New World
  Aldous Huxley
  ($9.64)
• Fahrenheit 451
  Ray Bradbury
  ($6.99)
• Lord of the Flies
  William Golding
  ($9.99)
• 1984
  George Orwell
  ($7.95)
• Crime and Punishment
  Fyodor Dostoyevsky
  ($6.99)
• V for Vendetta (the graphic novel)
  Alan Moore
  ($13.59)
• East of Eden
  John Steinbeck
  ($15.90)
• The Dollmaker
  Harriette Arnow
  ($2.25)
• Stargate (Ultimate Edition) (the original 1994 movie on DVD)
  ($4.91)

With these items, and shipping/handling, the total came to $309.20.

Ouch!

There goes all that money from work I was talking about.

Half of the order was to be shipped on Feb. 20th due to Brave New World being out of stock.  I ended up cancelling that book so that the order would ship on the twenty-fifth of January instead and just reordered a cheaper version of the book that also has some extras (and is in-stock!). 

The only book in that list that I have not yet read is 1984.  All the others I read in Honors English 10, 11, or AP English.  It's been a while though, so I figured it'd be good to read them again, seeing as how I enjoyed them quite a bit.  V for Vendetta was just a little something I've been meaning to get.  I love the movie and I wanna read the original story.

I also found out that my amazon.com login/password is valid on amazon.de, the german site.

• Der fernste Ort
  Daniell Kehlmann
  (€6,07/$7.87 ; €20,07/$26.04 with shipping/handling)

I saw a review of the book on everything2, and it looks pretty neat.  Plus it's in german.  It'll be a challenge to read, but it'll be a fun challenge.  I need to keep up with my german anyway.  And what's better than reading?  The reason I love the english language so much and am pretty good with it is because I used to constantly read books that were rated for highschoolers and the like in elementary school.  It's the same principle with german.

Speaking of everything2, today marks two years since I signed up as a noder.  I have only written three things in those two years, so I decided I'd post the sonnet I made for AP English.  I'm wondering what kind of reception it will garner.  We'll see. 

I should write more.  I have an idea in the back of my head.  It's been there since the summer, I think.  I forget when I started it.

All of the books should be coming right around my birthday.  It'll be like a gigantic birthday present followed by a bunch of smaller ones (that's the way the orders are broken up; there's like ten items in one order, and then one in each of the rest) and then finally one from Germany.  I can't wait.  There will be much literary goodness to come.

That's what I get for staying up all night working on Precalc.  Got through all of the derivative stuff though (which is where the polynomials came from), and even worked through chapter six in the precalc book.  Meaning, I'm a whole chapter ahead of the class.  Meaning.  Holy shit.  I was behind.  But no longer.  I rejoiced by napping in class today (what's new?  but at least I didn't miss anything this time).  As soon as I got back to my room, I conked out.  Slept straight through Java.  Felt soooo good.

I was half-asleep, half-awake.  Well, now that I think about it, I was probably seven-eighths asleep, one-eighths awake.  I remember seeing Jeremy's bed above me, and there was a polynomial floating there...  Except..  It was me.  I was the polynomial, above my own, human, body.  And some how I was eating things, such as my consciousness.  Damn derivatives!

Easily one of the weirder dreams I've had.

I'm kind of proud of myself with this poem.  I tried to have a basic structure that I followed: two words, nine words, three words, nine words.  I think that I adhered to it pretty well throughout the poem.  It was hard to follow in a few stanzas, trying to find just the right words to fit the structure and still get my meaning across.  Any rhyming is unintentional, as are most other literary devices.  It just so happen's that the first line of each stanza is "subject verb," except the last and the first.  The first, if you make it "It is funny" follows the subject verb, but then breaks the two word rule, so we'll just excuse that line.  The last stanza...  I just couldn't think of a subject verb combo to end the whole thing.  But I think it works great as it is.

Pronouns galore...

It's funny
how my mind keeps wandering back to that night
in the dark
while walking along the pavement, the grass, the dirt.

I remember
not the path I walked alone, on my own,
but the short
time and distance walked with you by my side.

I walked
alone, but you made effort to be by me;
you fell away,
but always tried to walk with, next to, me.

You asked
what was wrong with me, why was I sad,
I said that
I was not sad and that everything was alright.

I lied
when I said that everything was alright with me,
everything was not;
I pushed you away, and for that I'm sorry.

But I
just cannot relate to you yet what I feel,
because you are
the reason I feel that pang in my heart.

It appears as if I need to add some CSS for blockquotes... - Fixed!

I woke up this moring with fragments of dreams running through my head.  One that I remember quite vividly is as follows: I was at work, walking into a theater to clean it.  As I passed by one of the trash cans that was out, I got a whif of what smelled like puke.  I took a few steps forward, and blew chunks all over the place.  It was..  weird..

I remember that all too well, but I can't remember why I was pissed off when I woke up...  I was seriously pissed, like I wanted to kill someone...  I remember a bit about people...  the more I think about it the clearer it becomes... specific people...  a female and a male...  I think I know them...  I'm not sure...  I wanted to kill one of them...  the male...  It was seriously the weirdest feeling.. waking up from a great sleep, only to be in such a bad mood...