I think things are getting a lot better, all around. I’m somehow managing to keep my apartment AND put food in my belly! Granted, my main diet has consisted of peanut butter and sometimes jelly sandwiches, tuna salad sandwiches, and ramen (with ingredients, like peas and carrots and potatos and cheap sausages/hot dogs; so I’m still getting important stuffs and not wasting away on terrible food), but I figure a budget of $40-$50 a month for food for a poor college kid is NOT a bad deal.
Sold the Lumina. Somehow we got $1500 for it instead of like $200. That’s how I’m gonna survive the rest of the summer, and then excess money from student loans plus work study should help me out quite well each semester.
Why things are getting better, I think:
I apologize that this summer isn’t nearly as post-heavy as last summer. I believe there are reasons for that, though (mostly lack of generally interesting stuff to talk about that hasn’t been outlined above and lack of boredom at work. Boredom at home leads to me dicking around on the web. Boredom at work led to me writing because I couldn’t dick around on the web. Well, led to. Since I don’t have work this summer.). I think it’s also due to a lack of.. doing things. If I’m in a doing things mood I tend to think about updating the site more often.
Things with Sarah are going pretty damn well, I’d say. We had a couple of misunderstandings or little fight-type things near the beginning of the summer, but definitely nothing too serious. I’m more excited for her to come back than I am for the ferrets to come with her, than I am for everyone else to get back in the city, than I am for James to move out, than I am for.. a lot of things. I try not to let my mind think about.. much beyond the next couple of days, but sometimes it’s hard (nothing more than like.. a season or two… I’m having thoughts of us just cuddling up on the couch under a blanket drinking hot drinks and just hanging out in the winter, for example.. perhaps after ice skating or something (I can’t ice skate, by the way, Sarah.. It could make for hilarious times)). It’s a mental defense I’ve set up thanks to previous relationship failures. And, really, why think too much about the future? Obviously one has to have goals and stuff for school, work, general life things; but one does not live in the future, one lives in the present, they’re living NOW. I try to focus on what’s going on now and make the most of it. No point in worrying about the future or lamenting the past (as much as things tend to pop up and try to distract you, it’s just something one has to deal with).
It’s been really nice to get out of my apartment for hours at a time last week and this. I am going to be kind of sad when the kids leave and I really won’t have a need to leave my apartment…
Anyway, four fourty-eight is kind of a late time to finish up a post and go to bed.. My sleep schedule was good for like.. a total of two weeks this summer.. not even consecutive weeks at that…
I dunno, ever since the car sold I’ve just felt really good about things. That lifted a huge burdon from my mind and now I’m looking around realizing that I have quite a few good things going on. I am immensely happy I asked her out. It almost didn’t happen, but I forced myself to NOT think about it and just see what would happen. It was a twofold decision, really… On the one hand, it was kind of like an experiment.. in that whole “can I actually get a date with someone that I barely know? (as opposed to having been a friend for some time)” way, and on the other it was a necessary step forward, to move on. It seems like kind of a weird way to look at it, but that’s how I’ve rationalized it out in the time since. And I’ve had a lot of time to think about it (four months worth, to be almost exact :razz: ).
Gah, five oh-six. I really need to get to bed.
…I mean it.
Got the first one done. Am working on the third one. I’ve been keeping an almost regular schedule when it comes to doing push-ups. Did you know that the shower curtain bar in the South showers is surprisingly sturdy? Makes for a GREAT chin-up bar. And it’s right there everytime I take a shower, which is every day. I already feel a lot better now that I’ve been doing this just a little bit.
Um, that second one, though? I’ll get back to you after this week is over… I need to finish up three lab reports and study for three different exams. At least this week ends on Wendesday at 3:05PM, though! Yay for fall break! Yay for not having a reason to go home anymore! It’ll be nice and laid back this weekend. I imagine Phil and I will finally get around to beating Mega Man 9 this weekend too.
Over the past two months or so I’ve acquired a fair amount of small t-shirts that fit a hell of a lot better than my old larges. Hell, some of my larges were actually extra-large, that I’ve had since junior high! WTF. These smalls fit a lot better. I really like how they look on me too. Paul Schizzy thought I lost weight when he saw me the other day, but it’s really just because I’m wearing shirts that fit a hell of a lot better now.
The one-acts and improv that I saw on Friday were really well done. No offense to the one-act directors or actors, but improv is consistently better than whatever follows them. Especially the comedian Thursday night. She was complete balls.
I’ve got it in my head these past few days that I should get a haircut, but I have no idea what I would do. I liked it when it was short like it was almost precisely a year ago. I also love having the long bangs that come down the side of my face. I miss how my hair would look after I waited for the El on the platform and after I walked to work during the summer. The wind shaped my hair very nicely and I just don’t have that anymore. I could emulate the look with hair stuff and a hairdryer, I’m sure, but that a) requires money and b) requires time that would make me feel like a girl. Neither of which is all that desirable. We’ll see what happens, if anything I need at least a trim and to bring the back up a little bit more than the rest. Though that might end up looking gay or extra-feminine. I don’t know. And it’s pretty much decided that I have to keep some sort of goatee going, because otherwise I look far too feminine in the face. I just have to figure out how long I want to keep the thing and then how to keep it that long. All I’ve always done is let it get stupid long and then shave it all off.
I constantly have dreams about my bottom front tooth being loose and falling out. Last night I had one about all of my bottom front teeth being loose. And to quite a degree, too. It was very unnerving. I finally had that wake-from-a-dream-into-another-dream situation too. I was running around some warehouse and felt my teeth loose. I woke up and was laying in bed, and tried playing with my teeth, they were still loose. I woke up again and all was fine. I don’t recall if this was the final time I woke up.
I talked with Jacki a few hours ago. I think my attitude change helped a lot. She said some things that hurt me, but only because she felt/is that way now because of the things I said a week ago that hurt her. I would rather her tell me the truth though. Neither of us knows what’s going to happen from here, but I feel a lot better right now. In the end I have learned a lot that is bound to serve me well and that’s what life is about.. growing.
Now to eat some food and play some Kirby.