.. is that I can feel them crawling on me even though we’re 90% certain they’re not at this one.
I can’t sleep right now for fear of them crawling on me and drinking my blood. I feel every itch, every hair movement. That dark freckle on the side of my knee looks like a bug from up here. So does that black spot in front of the bathroom.
Why did we get a dark purple color for our bed sheets? Are they nesting behind the molding? Will they nest in the new bed frame? When we were sleeping on the rug for three or four days, did we let them build a new home there? Are a million tiny little eggs going to hatch from the rug? The wall? The old pillows? Our electronics that we steam cleaned?
I haven’t seen them. I haven’t seen their poop, or any out of place blood stains. There have been none of the tell-tale bite marks after sleeping. Sarah had one after we went to the other place to get some work done there, but that’s it.
Pinto is just licking the floor, not trying to eat a bug. Sarah doesn’t seem the least bit upset.
It might help if I wasn’t the one sleeping so close to the wall.
I bet it’s really hard to see a tiny, dark red bug on a dark purple mattress cover.
It’s going to be months before I feel safe and comfortable again.
Why do I have a dark freckle on my foot, too?
Well, the bed looks fine save for some cat hair, Sarah, and Pinto who just came over to tell me to go to sleep. I feel a little more comfortable that he checked out my side of the bed then came back to rub me, as if to say that everything is fine. Also, if he saw something, his being a cat wouldn’t let him ignore it.
Kinda wish my cat would do this sort of thing for me. Instead he’s just falling asleep on top of the placeware cabinet I built earlier today.
Though at this point, aren’t the cats ours, not mine and hers? Funny how one’s views on ownership change after becoming engaged.
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Basically, they blow. I haven’t been to school in three weeks because of spring break and then being sick and then the bugs.
Life is weird right now, but at least going through a seemingly hopeless situation like this is reaffirming my decision to ask Sarah to marry me. She’s been immensely helpful.
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I think things are getting a lot better, all around. I’m somehow managing to keep my apartment AND put food in my belly! Granted, my main diet has consisted of peanut butter and sometimes jelly sandwiches, tuna salad sandwiches, and ramen (with ingredients, like peas and carrots and potatos and cheap sausages/hot dogs; so I’m still getting important stuffs and not wasting away on terrible food), but I figure a budget of $40-$50 a month for food for a poor college kid is NOT a bad deal.
Sold the Lumina. Somehow we got $1500 for it instead of like $200. That’s how I’m gonna survive the rest of the summer, and then excess money from student loans plus work study should help me out quite well each semester.
Why things are getting better, I think:
I apologize that this summer isn’t nearly as post-heavy as last summer. I believe there are reasons for that, though (mostly lack of generally interesting stuff to talk about that hasn’t been outlined above and lack of boredom at work. Boredom at home leads to me dicking around on the web. Boredom at work led to me writing because I couldn’t dick around on the web. Well, led to. Since I don’t have work this summer.). I think it’s also due to a lack of.. doing things. If I’m in a doing things mood I tend to think about updating the site more often.
Things with Sarah are going pretty damn well, I’d say. We had a couple of misunderstandings or little fight-type things near the beginning of the summer, but definitely nothing too serious. I’m more excited for her to come back than I am for the ferrets to come with her, than I am for everyone else to get back in the city, than I am for James to move out, than I am for.. a lot of things. I try not to let my mind think about.. much beyond the next couple of days, but sometimes it’s hard (nothing more than like.. a season or two… I’m having thoughts of us just cuddling up on the couch under a blanket drinking hot drinks and just hanging out in the winter, for example.. perhaps after ice skating or something (I can’t ice skate, by the way, Sarah.. It could make for hilarious times)). It’s a mental defense I’ve set up thanks to previous relationship failures. And, really, why think too much about the future? Obviously one has to have goals and stuff for school, work, general life things; but one does not live in the future, one lives in the present, they’re living NOW. I try to focus on what’s going on now and make the most of it. No point in worrying about the future or lamenting the past (as much as things tend to pop up and try to distract you, it’s just something one has to deal with).
It’s been really nice to get out of my apartment for hours at a time last week and this. I am going to be kind of sad when the kids leave and I really won’t have a need to leave my apartment…
Anyway, four fourty-eight is kind of a late time to finish up a post and go to bed.. My sleep schedule was good for like.. a total of two weeks this summer.. not even consecutive weeks at that…
I dunno, ever since the car sold I’ve just felt really good about things. That lifted a huge burdon from my mind and now I’m looking around realizing that I have quite a few good things going on. I am immensely happy I asked her out. It almost didn’t happen, but I forced myself to NOT think about it and just see what would happen. It was a twofold decision, really… On the one hand, it was kind of like an experiment.. in that whole “can I actually get a date with someone that I barely know? (as opposed to having been a friend for some time)” way, and on the other it was a necessary step forward, to move on. It seems like kind of a weird way to look at it, but that’s how I’ve rationalized it out in the time since. And I’ve had a lot of time to think about it (four months worth, to be almost exact :razz: ).
Gah, five oh-six. I really need to get to bed.
…I mean it.
I have added a portfolio link to the link bar on this site. I was applying to three web jobs today and I had to detail what I’ve done and include a portfolio. I just included it as my cover letter on those ones, but in the future it’ll be nice to just be able to provide a link to my portfolio.
Update @ 05:21 06/04/09: Added more to the “About Me” section. I will continue to tweak and play with that part until I am comfortable with it. I may never be comfortable with it. One of the things I strongly dislike is trying to sell myself.
AndrAIa dead. Feldspar no X (few sites work well with links), flaky stolen wifi.
Ordered Ophiuchus. I hope. Money I need for rent.. newegg/Charter One constantly declining my card. Newegg claims C1′s fault; C1 newegg.
CMC still hasn’t approved resume. Cannot upload files (to monster.com) from Wii.
Dumb.
I miss Sarah.